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My first act as the mother of a daughter: to humiliate her by posting a photo of her hinder parts online for all to see. Forgive me, sweet girl!
Helplessly hoping…
It is the night before my nearly 20 week ultrasound. This is the big one, folks. They’ll be examining all of the baby’s inner workings to see if everything is in place and developing correctly. I’m officially half-way through the pregnancy (where has the time gone!? Oh, I know. Robbed by crippling fatigue and nausea! Har. Har. Har.), and have gotten some of my faculties back. I’m starting to feel optimistic about life and survival and the possibility of ever leaving my house again with 3 children. I’ve also started cooking dinner, and a LOT of cookies. It’s nice to feel like myself, and to start thinking more clearly about what is next for us.
Tomorrow morning will show us how our sesame seed has grown into a bopping, active little… well, here’s the recent food comparison run-down:
Week 17: Turnip (other sites suggested thing like “radish.” Apparently, this is the week for bitter root vegetables)
Week 18: Bell Pepper (delicious with walnuts and balsamic)
Week 19: Heirloom Tomato (I love how specific this one is. It couldn’t be a “beefsteak tomato,” or baked potato or something. No, no. This week, my fetus is crafted from seeds that have been painstakingly saved for generations to preserve the highest quality traits of its kind.)
I’m just now starting to feel the baby move, and it takes my breath away every time. I LOVE this part - after the icky “my only symptom is my nausea” phase, and before the “STOP KICKING MY SPLEEN!” phase. The first movements are called “quickening,” and it is the best description of how this feels. Early on - 13 weeks for me - I could feel little dinks and taps. But, recently, it feels like my abdomen has been secretly switched with a bowlful of guppies that are happily sloshing around in their uterine aquarium. It makes my heart beat a little faster. It makes me pause and wait, to see how much movement I’ll be able to feel. It is tremendously rewarding. Tonight, Matt was able to feel a nice, substantial “thump” (which was either the baby or my dinner digesting; at this point, it’s hard to say for sure). I’m eager for the men-folk of the house to be able to participate in this little life, too.
And, tomorrow, we’ll (hopefully) learn something more about the identity of this person. Baby BP? Baby SE? A totally uncooperative baby that is in no hurry to be pinned down with our hopes of doing some baby-related shopping. Already, I love this person, who is going to have to be a fierce little someone to keep up with these marvelously spirited boys.
Tonight, I go to bed not knowing. The world of possibilities is open to us. I pray, deeply and profusely, that all is going well. That every part is in place. That every finger and every toe and every sinew and every organ and every muscle is growing and thriving and becoming ready for this big world. It is exciting and nerve-wracking, hopeful and huge.
And, tomorrow, we will know.
One fish, two fish, pink fish or blue fish?
Things are going a little bit better this week. I’m 16 weeks along, and think that I’m coming out of the fog and discomfort of the first four months. I say this because I’ve stayed awake past 8:30 for two nights in a row, which is a marvelous gift. Did you know I live with a very tall, good looking man, who is quite funny and we share many things in common!? For real! I haven’t seen him in ages! I quite like him, and think that we might have a lovely future together, if I can just stay awake for it.
I’m still pretty queasy in the afternoons, and find that I have to eat protein-laden meals layered between slices of deli-fresh bread on a bi-hourly basis, but that’s okay. The Quiznos down the street is starting to recognize me, and there isn’t a turkey reuben or cuban sandwich in a 5 mile radius that’s protected from my cravings. Also? Mexican food. I cannot get enough.
In other news, tiny Boo is now avocado sized. Just to catch up, we have grown from a lemon in week 14 to:
Week 15: Apple!
Week 16: Avocado; or, a great way to remember how much I love guacamole
By week 17 (turnip), I’ll be watching the Colbert Report and drinking something other than sparkling fruit beverages!
This baby - oh, this baby. We are 2 weeks and 6 days from finding out the gender, and I am so eager to know about this person. I struggled in the early days of finding out, confessing to dear Kara that I feared utter disappointment if this was another boy.
In low-key efforts to satiate my girl-longing, I went shopping for tiny girl clothes. This has never been a problem in the past. I’ve found adorable things for my Goddaughter, promised and sworn that “If I ever have a girl, I’m buying [girly baby legs, a tutu, fabulous holiday dresses].” And, with full permission from my own conscience, I went shopping, only to find… nothing. I kept drifting over to the soft, snap-front blue and green striped sleepers, the handsome and stylish zip neck sweaters, the hilarious t-shirts that proclaim eternal love and affection for one’s mother (you never see girls in these kinds of things. Why is that?!). I walked away empty handed, and slightly chagrined.
It seems, of course, that I love boys. I know them. I get them. I have two of them, and they are absolutely the light of my life. Even as a kid, most of my friends were boys. Now that it’s Christmastime, and the Gap has been running near-constant ads for their “do whatever you want-ak-kah” winter clothing line, I’ve become less excited about the prospect of having a girl and more… terrified.
Have you seen the Gap commercial with the girls and their comfy sweaters proclaiming in near-shout, “How cute are these boots?! How cute are these boots!” I want to gouge out my eyes. They’re sassy and adorable and absolutely the antithesis of my own understanding of myself as a girl. I don’t know what we would do with a sassy person who demands frilly things. I mean, I’m sure we’d comply out of sheer fear, but it just seems so foreign.
In the meantime, I’m enjoying being awake to do things like see my husband and watch the Sing-Off. I would like to reclaim some of my wit and creativity, but I understand most of that is being used up in other areas these days.
For now, we are enjoying the anticipation and the not-knowing. We also have some lovely name prospects (and no, I’m not telling you. Not yet.), which really does help frame the identity of this little Avocado.
“Dear Someone,” a gorgeous song by Gillian Welch on the album “Time (The Relevator)” is the unofficial anthem for this little person. Thanks to Cari for inviting me to sing it at her wedding.
I want to go all over the world
And start living free
I know that there’s somebody who
Is waiting for me
I’ll build a boat, steady and true
As soon as it’s done
I’m going to sail along in the dreams
Of my dear someone
One little star, smiling tonight
Knows where you are
Stay, little star, steady and bright
To guide me afar
Blow, little wind, over the deep
For now I’ve begun
Hurry and take me straight into the arms
Of my dear someone
Hurry and take me straight into the arms
Of my dear someone
Twelve week ultrasound - caught baby thumb sucking!
The first blog about the baby
There’s a new person making his or her way onto the scene in late Spring. We are excited, and I’m certainly ready for some of the early pregnancy symptoms to subside. It’s been a rough 9 weeks or so… I’m queasy and tired, with a deep sense of hunger that will not be satisfied.
One of the perks of being pregnant, other than being able to eat three breakfasts before 9:00, and having 2 of them be Chik-fil-a, is receiving weekly updates about the baby. For some strange reason, they love to compare the size of the baby to particular foods. So, for 36 weeks, I get exciting inbox deliveries that begin with the phrase: “Congratulations! Your baby is now the size of a poppy seed!” (Pictured below)
The jump from sesame seed to lentil bean was particularly thrilling. I mean… that’s a lot of growth in 7 days time. I thought, because I’m a little nuts, that I would chronicle the development of the baby in this first blog, using only the foods suggested by Baby Center.
For your viewing enjoyment, here is the progress of our new little one:
Week Four: Poppy Seed
Week Five:Sesame Seed
Week Six: Lentil Bean (COME ON! That’s huge!)
Week Seven: Blueberry
Week Eight: Kidney Bean (This seems like a bit of a regression from that big, fat blueberry, and yet, I find myself in maternity pants.)
Week Nine: Grape, and the baby transitions from zygote to fetus this week! In order to celebrate, I cease to be able to function after lunchtime.
Week Ten:Kumquat!
Week Eleven: Fig
Week Twelve: Lime, which invites all of the “Lime in the Coconut” jokes you are willing to make.
Week Thirteen: Shrimp (Also, the Second Trimester Begins! When, oh when, will the queasiness subside?!)
Week Fourteen: Lemon. As of this week, I can stay awake until 9:00! It’s just like middle school again!
We have had a couple of ultrasounds, and everything looks beautiful. This baby is different than the other two - busier, more draining, something of a show-off. I love it. At our last ultrasound, we saw lots of wiggling and five perfect, tiny fingers on both hands. We got a photo of thumb-sucking, and a lovely wave that resembled either jazz hands or the Tomahawk Chop. At this point, it’s hard to say which.
If this one cooperates, we’ll learn the gender on Jan. 4, and I am counting down the minutes. It’s such a cool thing when “it” stops being “it” and becomes a person with an identity that won’t change for the rest of our lives.
In the meantime, I’ve been torturing myself by taking online gender predictor quizzes, all of which have said girl. Based on my symptoms, all of which are different than they were with the boys, I would agree. I’m fine either way. This little lemon is healthy and wonderful, and I’m just ready to call “it” by name.
