Helplessly hoping…
It is the night before my nearly 20 week ultrasound. This is the big one, folks. They’ll be examining all of the baby’s inner workings to see if everything is in place and developing correctly. I’m officially half-way through the pregnancy (where has the time gone!? Oh, I know. Robbed by crippling fatigue and nausea! Har. Har. Har.), and have gotten some of my faculties back. I’m starting to feel optimistic about life and survival and the possibility of ever leaving my house again with 3 children. I’ve also started cooking dinner, and a LOT of cookies. It’s nice to feel like myself, and to start thinking more clearly about what is next for us.
Tomorrow morning will show us how our sesame seed has grown into a bopping, active little… well, here’s the recent food comparison run-down:
Week 17: Turnip (other sites suggested thing like “radish.” Apparently, this is the week for bitter root vegetables)
Week 18: Bell Pepper (delicious with walnuts and balsamic)
Week 19: Heirloom Tomato (I love how specific this one is. It couldn’t be a “beefsteak tomato,” or baked potato or something. No, no. This week, my fetus is crafted from seeds that have been painstakingly saved for generations to preserve the highest quality traits of its kind.)
I’m just now starting to feel the baby move, and it takes my breath away every time. I LOVE this part - after the icky “my only symptom is my nausea” phase, and before the “STOP KICKING MY SPLEEN!” phase. The first movements are called “quickening,” and it is the best description of how this feels. Early on - 13 weeks for me - I could feel little dinks and taps. But, recently, it feels like my abdomen has been secretly switched with a bowlful of guppies that are happily sloshing around in their uterine aquarium. It makes my heart beat a little faster. It makes me pause and wait, to see how much movement I’ll be able to feel. It is tremendously rewarding. Tonight, Matt was able to feel a nice, substantial “thump” (which was either the baby or my dinner digesting; at this point, it’s hard to say for sure). I’m eager for the men-folk of the house to be able to participate in this little life, too.
And, tomorrow, we’ll (hopefully) learn something more about the identity of this person. Baby BP? Baby SE? A totally uncooperative baby that is in no hurry to be pinned down with our hopes of doing some baby-related shopping. Already, I love this person, who is going to have to be a fierce little someone to keep up with these marvelously spirited boys.
Tonight, I go to bed not knowing. The world of possibilities is open to us. I pray, deeply and profusely, that all is going well. That every part is in place. That every finger and every toe and every sinew and every organ and every muscle is growing and thriving and becoming ready for this big world. It is exciting and nerve-wracking, hopeful and huge.
And, tomorrow, we will know.
